So,
I've had the surgery, all my sockets are healed through and no pain with them. I have noticed though that other teeth have been sensitive though.
I'm still worried everyday about my front ones. My front teeth having major cavities, and feeling to me like they are gunna fall out.
I feel pretty hopeless in it. I can't make enough money to fix them right and I can't find a better job without better teeth, I feel like I will always be stuck making minimum wage and working 40+ hours a week just still to struggle and keep my families heads above the water.
I wrote the letter to the governer, explaining how i feel on him taking away dental care for medi-cal recipients and I received back a automatically generated response which infuriated me more.
I work as a gas station cashier (and it was this way in highschool) I talk quietly, I do not really smile.... never have really.....and if my upper lip exposes my teeth in anyway I am consumed by anxiety.
I just wish I could wake up in a different situation. I was never blessed with beautiful teeth. If I could wake up and have a gorgeous smile, my son and my husband, I don't think I would ever complain again about anything.
I've still been sending my sister money. Ya know its funny she makes a good amount of money but she owns her own business and has to secure it. I had to ask money from her for the surgery and it pained me. She helped as much as she could but it still pained me. She just spent over $6,000 fixing her teeth and that wasn't even cosmetic. Her teeth were 10 times better then mine. I just don't have that kind of money. Nor the time to save it really as my teeth looking pretty close to falling out.
I don't have many people that I am close to other than my husband and my son. And of course my family who live about 3 hours to me.
This blog was more meant to be a happy update but as with thinking about it it turned into more of a depressed venture. I am just so sad about my teeth. It turns into the whole "why me?" thoughts and "I'm so freagin ugly" thoughts.
I keep joking that one job I never could get is a dental assistant or never star in a commercial for toothpaste. I laugh to hide the sadness though. In my life I've had a lot of traumas, from being abused as a child by an older sister for six years (not the one that lent me the money) and suffering from the heart condition and then just being poverty poor. I tell myself my son will never encounter the pain I've been through. I've been very smart in some ways. I have never done more than pot, I tried it a few times when I was young but hated it. I got myself out of an abusive relationship with the sperm donor to my child and I have a very wonderful husband who loves me even though my teeth are horrible. Not once has he looked at me in disgust.
I see my blessings everyday, I work hard to keep them. I just wish upon every falling star that I've seen or ever will see that one day my teeth will be nice. Maybe the wish should be clearer........ some dentist donate your time to me and your craft and your materials. And make my smile worth smiling about.
Sorry again about the rant :)
